Love is the Answer

Today I have John Lennon in my head. I keep hearing his words, "Love is the answer."  I'm sure he didn't have three unruly children in mind when he wrote that, but that's how I'm applying it.

For the past three weeks, I've had a hard time managing my kid chaos.  Avery, Grant, and Nate have been constantly fighting, arguing, crying, screaming, hitting, spitting, kicking, biting, and creating massive chaos at home, at the library, in the grocery store, in the car, at the park, and wherever else we have gone. I've been spinning in circles to comfort hurt feelings and break up brawls and quiet cruel words.

It's been a big bag o' frustration, and I'll admit, it was wearing on me. Big time. As one terrible day turned into an awful week and then two and then three, I started to dread getting out of bed in the morning. I tried to take control of the situation (see my Keep Your Hands to Yourself! post from last week), but nothing worked.

Finally, this morning, it came to me. A big, heaping dose of love was what this mess needed. And I was the one who was going to have to give it. From deep inside my tired, frustrated, at-wit's-end self, I was going to have to dredge up some sugar.

Kids react so much better to enthusiasm and praise than to scolding and punishing. I know this. I have seen it work. I try to parent that way. But let's face it, when the patience is all used up, it's hard to be positive and cheerful. I wanted to get in my minivan and drive straight out of town, not start a tickle fight or sing a happy song. Still, I knew happy, happy, joy, joy was the way to go. But how? How could I find it within me to give that love?  

The answer was simple. I needed divine intervention. The kind of love that was needed in this house was not going to come from me. It couldn't possibly. It had to come from God. So I sat down this morning and had desperate chat with Him. I asked him to fill me with his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. I asked him to help me see these kids through His eyes and hear them through His ears.

God answered my prayer. Right then and there.

When Nate came in cranky and clingy at 6:30 a.m., I saw a boy who missed his dad and wanted his mommy. I knew that he deserved the best comfort and care that I could give. Even though I was tired, I somehow sang Itsy Bitsy Spider with him in my silliest voice and made him laugh. Avery asked me to practice drawing Arthur with her, and in the midst of the morning's busiest time, I sat down and gave her my full attention. When Grant woke up, I saw that he wanted some of this special attention, too. I hugged him and called him my special boy and told him how much I loved him. I held his hand as we went into the kitchen for a sippy cup of milk.

These small gestures made all the difference. The tears and tantrums were replaced, at least for the morning, by happy faces and cheerful kids. Avery, Grant, and Nate were basking in the love that I was handing out like candy on Halloween. This love fest took energy and patience that I could not muster on my own. It took God stepping in and doing through me what I could not do without Him. I am amazed and thankful for His divine intervention. 

And I bet the kids are, too.